Quotes by George Bernard Shaw/page2

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"I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that says guilty or not guilty for you, as a sort of courtesy."

"I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in it, because do you hide from it or not"

"If I ever become a mummy, I'm going to have it so when somebody opens my lid, a boxing glove on a spring shoots out."

"It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs."

"The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then, I told myself, 'Go ahead and do whatever you want, it's okay by me.'"

"Laurie got offended that I used the word 'puke.' But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like."

"If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast."