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"Henry James was one of the nicest old ladies I ever met."
By William Faulkner
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"Henry James would have been vastly improved as a novelist by a few whiffs of the Chicago stockyard."
By H. L. Mencken
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"Henry James created more convincing women than Iris Murdoch put together."
By Wilfred Sheed
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"How to win a case in court: If the law is on your side, pound on the law; if the facts are on your side, pound on the facts; if neither is on your side, pound on the table."
By Unknown
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"He who joyfully marches to music rank and file, has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action. It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder."
By Albert Einstein
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"How should they answer?"
By Abigail Van Buren in reply to the question: "Why do Jews always answer a question with a question?"
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"Historian: an unsuccessful novelist."
By H. L. Mencken
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"Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo."
By George Bernard Shaw
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"He without benefit of scruples His fun and money soon quadruples."
By Ogden Nash
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"Half of analysis is anal."
By Marty Indik
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"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."
By W.C. Fields
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"How is the world ruled and how do wars start? Diplomats tell lies to journalists and then believe what they read."
By Karl Kraus
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"Human war has been the most successful of our cultural traditions."
By Robert Ardrey
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"He who labors diligently need never despair; for all things are accomplished by diligence and labor."
By Menander
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"He grounds the warship he walks on."
By John Bracken on Captain Barney Kelly, who ran the USS Enterprise into the mud of San Francisco Bay in May 1983
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"Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control."
By Don Marquis
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"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it."
By Mark Twain
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"He marries best who puts it off until it is too late."
By H. L. Mencken
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"He, in a few minutes ravished this fair creature, or at least would have ravished her, if she had not, by a timely compliance, prevented him."
By Henry Fielding, "Jonathan Wild"
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"Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time."
By Mark Twain
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