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"Celibacy is not hereditary."
By Guy Goden
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"Chastity always takes its toll. In some it produces pimples; in others, sex laws."
By Karl Kraus
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"Cleaning anything involves making something else dirty, but anything can get dirty without something else getting clean."
By Laurence J. Peter
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"Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without notice."
By Will Durant
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"Children are never too tender to be whipped. Like tough beefsteaks, the more you beat them, the more tender they become."
By Edgar Allan Poe
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"Conscience and cowardice are really the same thing. Conscience is the trade-name of the firm."
By Oscar Wilde
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"Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace."
By Amelia Earhart
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"Change your thoughts and you change your world."
By Norman Vincent Peale
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"Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune."
By Kin Hubbard
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"Cogito ergo dim sum. (Therefore I think these are pork buns.)"
By Robert Byrne
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"Class is material consumed."
By John Trudell
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"Crude, immoral, vulgar and senseless."
By Leo Tolstoy
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"Canada is a country so square that even the female impersonators are women."
By Richard Benner
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"California: The west coast of Iowa."
By Joan Didion
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"Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth."
By Lillian Hellman
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"California, the department store state."
By Raymond Chandler
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"Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?"
By Jules Feiffer
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"Chess is a foolish expedient for making idle people believe they are doing something very clever when they are only wasting their time."
By George Bernard Shaw
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"Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker."
By Ogden Nash, "Reflections on Ice-Breaking"
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"Contemporary American children, if they are old enough to grasp the concept of Santa Claus by Thanksgiving, are able to see through it by December 15th."
By Roy Blount Jr.
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